Where’s the peanut butter?!

• Admirer: “Well hey there :)”
• Me: “Is ointment or cream better for a rash?”
• Me (quickly): “oops…nevermind…”
• Admirer: “Haha ointment? Was that to me haha?”
• Admirer: “Haha alright I still think we should hang out”

Where next, Columbus?

Previously

Early yesterday morning when I woke up for my long run, I found the following text on my phone:

Get them out here

I didn’t recognize the number and couldn’t even understand the message, so I ignored it. Then while I was out on my run, this came in:

I want you

Flattery will get you everywhere! But I still don’t know who this is so I keep ignoring it. Later in the afternoon, I receive:

Hey you

OK, this obviously isn’t going to stop and I’d earlier thought “maybe this is some sms scam to send vague/provocative spam messages and validate recipients and sign them up for lots of text spam?” but that’s seeming less probable. So last night I reply:

Hey you

A few minutes later I get:

What up girl

At this point I’m pretty confident it’s a dude sending me the messages. Naturally, I am crestfallen. He doesn’t know when to quit:

What r u getting into tonight

And apparently he’s too poor to afford a phone which can punctuate anything. I tell my friend Chris, who I’m out at a concert with and he recommends I reply honestly:

Getting into some panther…u?

(Panther were opening for The Thermals right at that time). My secret admirer replies:

Idk just chillin

And that’s where it is. Possible next steps:

• Keep ignoring? - seems like too much of a waste
• “OMG I JUST HIT SOMEBODY WITH MY CAR…DON’T TELL ANYBODY”
• “i feel like im not the person u think i am”
• “can u meet me at [place] at [time]? i might b late”
• Send a mms of the picture of myself with the mustache saying she found another guy?

Suggestions are welcome!