Where’s the peanut butter?!

I got a call a couple days ago from my sister that caught me a little off-guard:

Me: Hello?
My sister: Do you know what KY Jelly is?
Me: Ex-cuse me??

The only thing that surprised me even more is what prompted her to ask
me about this. Evidently the substance came up in some
conversation she was having with someone and the person was surprised
she had never heard about it. Confident that her colleague was quite
mistaken and that the lube wasn’t part of pop culture’s collective
consciousness, she told the person she was going to “ask her little
brother” if he’d ever heard about it.

In an effort to keep her prepared for the next conversation where she
might need to refer to her source for what mainstream society is and
isn’t aware of (which for some completely baffling reason seems to be
me), I recommended she href="http://www.google.com/search?q=santorum">google santorum
(little “s”).

Things like
this make me think I’m really missing out by not reading The Onion
any more…

With recruitment down sharply, and the prospect of being held back by
the nation of millions appearing once again likely, top-ranking Public
Enemy officials issued an order Monday for all retired Security Of The
First World personnel to return to active duty.

…

“I got a letter from the P.E. the other day,” said James Bomb, 46,
also a former S1W. “I opened it, and read it, and said they were
suckers. They want me for their army or whatever? Picture me giving a
damn.I said ‘Never.’”

“Then again, I could use the money,” Bomb added.